links open windows




blog factory

by TRUE

there's the kind of tragedy that begins with a seemingly insignficant detail that is overlooked...the letter left unopened, the phone call unreturned, the cigarette not put out, the dog that is forgotten to be fed...that's why i totally sweat the small stuff. cuz it's the little things that have snuck up on me in the past and im not lettin that shit happen again.

when i look back a lot of the time all i can say is, 'damn, i shoulda seen it comin!'

fucking hell i'd love to have a snappy site. y'know...lots of short, witty posts about the government and my big toe.

i'd ask questions and people would answer them in the comments.

last year at this time is when i took the hinges off and thought about shuttin down the blog but instead just came out to y'all as the liar/fiction writer that i was/am and then kept paddling along, upstream style.

it's all about hard work, i told myself. get rid of your romanticized views of art and put in the hours.

the long, lonely hours, in which i reconfigure my life with words.

an act which is both the power and the glory

as well as the shit and the hole.

sometimes, when it's late in the evening and everyone's out and about,
i tell myself im sick of nearly drowning and never getting anywhere.

im tired of living as a prince among thieves and a pauper among the princes.

...and yet it's my own ego which has brought me here.

(halos were found at the landing site)



i can't believe all those people were killed by the waves,

although when i saw the headlines on monday morning i didn't feel shocked--

merely loose.

loose and alive as i walked down the avenue in my boots like it was the end of the world.









trembling blue stars

by TRUE



i dont wanna write or think or watch tv or talk to anyone or read or clean or anything. im just gonna smoke some xmas trees and think of u and also the pickup i want to buy.

i like making my own private summertime, with the heat turned up ridiculously high so even with my drafty ass windows i can run around in a tanktop. i can blast music and lift weights. i can pretend that the sun shining thru the skylight is the sun shining thru my sunglasses on the beach.



i've put the music on shuffle and it's all soul and eurofag, one-for-one, for what seems like hours, in a defiantly never-ending routine, kinda like a girl going forever on double dutch.

i know it's gonna mess up somewhere, ya know it'll be a country song or hip-hop, or

oh wait. here it is--sonic youth.

how suiting that they are the break in the chain.

tonite im wearing a black glove on my right hand like sterling.

im imagining that im her

with her missing fingers and her tragic past

the several different versions of herself that were unceremoniously killed off

one after another,

chopped down like trees

then strung up like corpses.



i drank all nite

my sunglasses were broken on the kitchen table

there were lighters and drug baggies

and a pan covered with burnt egg..

i looked straight into her eyes for the first time in months.

"oh," she said, as though i'd touched her.

she held my shaky gaze as i imagine she'd hold my hand

if i ever let her...


while i looked, something gave in her eyes,

something i hadn't expected to see.



"what's going to happen, TRUE?" she asked, in that high-pitched, sing-song voice of hers.

"what's going to happen with all these blogs and all these ideas we keep coming up with?"

"i don't know," i said.

i looked up into the hair that covered my eyes.

"i mean, i think i know but then it's one thing to know and another thing entirely to DO. to make HAPPEN."

i took out a blue ball point pen and wrote the many across my hand, for no good reason.

"but you wanna hear somethin?" i said, while i still had her attention.

"ok, sure, " she said.

"lookin in yr eyes just now felt like steppin thru a broken window."

"well!" she said, taking her toothpick out to laugh.

"stepping inside from outside or outside from inside?"

"outside from inside," i said.

"ok, i guess that's pretty cool," she said, with apparent satisfaction.






sometimes i cant look u in the eyes cuz mine r somewhere else.

by TRUE



in the winter before they were destroyed i had a recurring dream about the twin towers in which i looked up at the them from the end of a street in brooklyn and watched as a piece of the sky opened and silver sparkles cascaded down like fairy dust. at this point in the dream something very strange and very meta would always happen--i'd actually think to myself while still dreaming: "this feels like a dream or a movie. i wish i had a camera."

then it would end and id be onto the next dream or dark nothingness or whatever. i didn't get too hung up on them. maybe if they were the only recurring dreams i had...but in comparison to some of the other things broadcasting in my head, these twin tower dreams were small potatoes.

they reminded me of a hologram--a beautiful, glowing picture that you tilt slightly in order to make something happen.

i walked that street--the street of the dream--every day on my way to the train. that winter i was still on the morning shift. i'd head out when the sun was coming up. the light hung over the avenue like orange laserbeams. i passed the corner where the mexicans dudes gathered in their dusty jeans to wait for work, and the row of warehouses where behind one of those brightly painted sliding doors, a drummer banged out some serious rock n' roll solos. i passed the drunks in front of the bodega and the kids smoking the first j of the day beside the towering pile of reappropriated aluminum. i passed the immense chainlink fence of the mechanics yard, with its rusted chassis and fierce-ass doberman/rottweiler mix guard dogs. they followed me with their suspicious eyes, but had given up on the ferocious barking/shaking the fence routine, as it failed to get a rise out of me.

if at any point on the street i paused and looked up, there'd they'd be, rising up over the treetops of the park just ahead...night watchmen keeping eye on all of us and the dirty going-ons in this dirty, broken ashtray smudge of northern brooklyn.

no wonder i dreamed of them...freud said that when all is said and done most of what we dream about comes from the everyday.

just as i dully repeated what i did, day after day, the dream of the sparkles repeated itself, nite after nite...

in some ways it made perfect sense, yet the meaning for its repetition...the insistence it had in making sure it was dreamt every nite...this didn't seem to have any explanation.

then, one freezing, grey morning in which everything glowed like it was lit from within, i trudged down that street, with the broken bottles everywhere and the wind carrying around the stench of truck exhaust and black plastic bags flyin through the air like wasted wishes...i had my head down and my scarf over my face, when all of a sudden i was gripped with a need to look up. i stuck my face into the arctic blast and blinked up at the towers...and there i saw, a single bright patch of sky open above them. i stopped--stunned. for it was just like the dream...

i watched as the first powdery snowflakes of the storm fluttered down from the break in the sky...

they floated, like falling angels or bits of confetti over the tops of the towers.

and just as in the dream i wished i had a camera, although i knew there was no way anyone could take a picture that would capture the sense of scale or space...

the flakes kept falling, more and more, faster and faster, but it wasn't until i was halfway across the playing fields of mccarren park that they started falling around me.

i felt honored, blessed even as i joined the crowd of hipsters and wannabes on bedford avenue.

i never had the dream again.





unrattleable








by TRUE



when u cant sleep, u miss out on more than a few z's. u miss out on the little moments happening all around u. u feel wiped out, not quite in sync with yr friends and family. if yr not getting a full night's sleep, talk to yr dr about AMBIEN--the #1 prescribed sleep aid in amerikkka for more than 6 years. AMBIEN, taken at bedtime, helps u fall asleep faaaaaast, stay asleep loooooonger, and wake in the mornin rested, not strung out. talk to yr dr about AMBIEN. or call 1-800-PP5-DO-DO.






BIG BAD.

by TRUE



u wouldn't know it by looking at me but beneath this cool veneer i feel so amped up, brimming over with emotions...like a sad pop song played on fuzzy guitar or a punchbowl from a dead relative that u can't bare to fill with anything except whatever happens to land in there by accident--melted birthday candles, a rusty bottle opener with a cracked handle, a spare set of keys--bills you don't plan on ever opening...


bear bair bare

i want to straddle u

undo yr belt and pull down yr pants

and do u while yr dancing in la-la land with me...

i see a starscape in yr eyes

as it rises over the city...

i see the flickering shadows

cast by the sad stories

that other people trust u with...

i've decided that water is the cure for everything before it starts

like this tickle in my lungs. im gonna flood that shit out.

hey 'green loogie' would be a cool name for a kid's punk band...

like the kind that would be on a sitcom episode. silver spoons or some 80s wildly capitalistic shit like that.

those reagan years were dark days. i was too young to get the details but i got the vibe.

these days are darker.




yes, i'm aware that writing like this

with these broken-up sentences and these extra spaces between the lines does not constitute poetry.

i just like the way it looks.

but going deeper, i write like this cuz i'm constantly tracing the arc of my own thought patterns...which directly effects my ability/disability to type.

in other words i get sick of what im doing so i hit space

either that or im excited for what's next and hit space to get closer to it.

plus i like it to look like lyrics

especially the kind written by someone whose attention span

was clipped short by endless hours of mtv at an early age

(cuz u know im secretly a rock star)





anyways i gotta give it up to my big bad boy, anti. i got my boring blook from hell last friday and it's the sheeeet, mahn. it looks so, so good. of course i'd already read everything in it when it was first online but it looks amazing to see it in print. the layout and everything. there's a big b&w pic of my boy on the back cover (nice stubble) and on the cover a super-duper close-up, over-saturated pic of a fat ass hit. on the binding (which is very professional and not at all cheap and falling apart like i thought it would be) it says 'a stoner's blog turned hardcopy'.

i really like how the blog url is nowhere to be seen. nor are there credits or thank-us or a title page for that matter. or a fuckin, 'about the author' wank-off page. page one is a post, the last page is a post...they're headed by a date--no pix. just text, one post after another...it totally reads like a real book--only better, cuz anti can actually write.

i gave the book to a chick who really hates reading things on a computer screen and has therefore spent little to no time reading blogs. but she's read like, everything else in the world...in several languages. hey, she said, after thumbing through a couple pages, i like this guy. then she proceeded to read several of his posts out loud in her german accent.

lemme tell ya i got such major kicks out of that.

i sat there on the edge of my bed listening with my head cocked. it was a pretty wild experience--i was hearing the words of one friend through the voice of another. both of whom happen to be smart and funny and highly-observant as well as cynical and uncertain and confident, all at the same time.

it occured to me--it's not about country or creed...it's about being a certain kind of person...

damn, i thought. maybe there's a fabulous future in store for all of us afer all?

maybe it's really going to happen.

...all this from something called a blook. jamie and i were wondering about how it was going to look and what one could do with their blog as a book that they could hold in their hands. we didn't come to any conclusions, but agreed that it would be cool just to have it, and we were both excited to get a copy of anti's. jamie said he was waiting to order it until he could work out a plan so that anti could sign it. oh yeah, i said, cuz of course i want him to write something in my copy as well. but i placed my order when that shit was still 17.27. werd to the nerds.

so i guess i just have to go out to LA and get that shit signed in person.

whaddya say annnnnnnni?

as'd ifhsdfia'

(man i'll tell u im just in a state of flux right now...it's not good and it's not bad, just like in the song. it's just dense, yo...and complicated. i mean, it's deep when this blog feels like an anchor in the silvery swimmmmmmming sea)

life's rich pageant.

rockwitit.




peace.











by TRUE

idle hands are the devil's playthings.

the devil's playthings are the devil's playthings...






Company XXXmas Party

by sterling




i swear, all these so-called "good", upper middle class folks are hanging on to the appearance of having morals by a very thin string. let them dress up a little, put them in an unfamiliar room with their colleagues, fill them with booze and BAM! pretty soon even the most aged and unexplored of hormonal impulses is squirming on the floor like a yellow-eyed snake.

i take up position with my seltzer and my lime and my cigarettes and my cell phone and try not to get in the way.

i know the chicks are good and buzzed when they make a big deal out of introducing me to their husbands and boyfriends.

"THIS is sterling," they say, in such a way that I'm almost tempted to fill in the rest-- "that LESBIAN i told you about..."

the biggest favor i could do for them would be to flirt shamelessly with them in front of their man, thereby creating a neat and safe little fantasy that the two of them could save for a moment of need...

"...did you see that, honey? that LESBIAN was totally flirting with you!!! right in front of me, too!...hey...do you think that maybe she wants a THREE-WAY?"

this year's party was no different, except that the woman in question is drop-dead gorgeous, thereby rendering my powers of flirtation null and void.

i mean, this is the woman who has a pair of green leather pants that made me literally fall out of my $800, ergonomic chair trying to keep her in view for as long as possible after she passed my office door...

as the evening wore on i watched as she drank everything in sight. she ran over to me and asked if i could see the glitter she smeared across her chest. i could. she asked if she could get me a drink. no, thanks, i said. not even one? she asked. no, i said. not even one.

she introduced her husband to me as her "partner", her eyes wide as she stared into my face for my reaction.

and, in fact i had one. i was surprised.

"yeah, i hate the word 'husband'," she said, as she followed me (sans partner) outside for a smoke. "almost as much as i hate the word 'wife'."

"really?" i said, trying to look slick with the unlit cigarette dangling from my lips.

"I kind of like it."

"what?" she said.

"that word. 'wife'."

"really?" she said. she bent forward so that i could light her smoke.

i caught the scent of her hair. it smelled like candy.

"hmmm," i said.

"what?" she asked.

"when you leaned forward like that I could smell your hair."

"oh yeah?" she said, excitedly, her eyes twinkling through their boozy glassiness.

"what does it smell like?" she asked, giggling.

"like lollis," i said, with a fake english accent. now i was giggling too.

"for real? wow. here."

she leaned forward again. i started to take another whiff but she turned so that her mouth was nearly against my ear.

"wait. don't move. i want to tell you something."

"k," i said, swallowing hard.

"i'm a virgin," she said.

"really?" I said.

i blew out a thick puff of smoke in a long, meditative exhalation.

i felt my left eyebrow rise-up on its own--the way it does when i'm excited but trying to hold it in.

"which version?" I asked.




allison krausse





radio goo-goo

radio ga-ga






Way Wrong

by sterling



(quarlo)

We were going to ditch the car. I knew that much, right away. All I had to do was get my legs to move. They were still there—connected, turned on. I could feel Fitz’s hand when he gently touched my knee—but when I tried to move my mind commanded them one way and the muscles went the opposite. It was a matter of figuring out the right way to think it.

Then we could get out of here.

And no one would get in trouble. That was definitely the plan.

There was a black veil over my left eye. I couldn’t see a thing out of it and I couldn’t seem to blink. Through my other eye I saw Fitz looking at me in horror.

“Oh, my poor baby,” he moaned, his breath reeking of Jack Daniels.

“Let me see,” I commanded, breathless to know how bad it was, but the rear view mirror hung there limply, with all it’s glass smashed out.

“Bad luck,” Fitz said, pointing out the obvious.

He brushed at the bits of windshield that lay across my lap like powdered glacier ice.

“Pull her out!” TRUE commanded. Her voice was cold. She stood outside the car, smoking angrily as she glared at us through the empty pane where the driver’s side window used to be.

“This isn’t happening,” Fitz said, his face blank. “It CAN’T be happening. I swear to god it isn’t!”

“Do it! C’mon!” she hissed, but instead he stumbled back, his hand over the gash above his brow.

“Jesus Christ!” she spat.

“I’ll do it myself.”



She put one foot up on the floor of the car to brace herself and then she reached for me.

“Don’t,” I heard myself saying.

“What?”

“Don’t touch me.” I was seeing things moving in the street—twisted shadows in the smoke.

She stopped and looked at me with a strange, intense glare.

“But I’m getting you out,” she said, matter-of-factly.

“No, you aren’t. Now go on. Hit the road.”

She seemed to consider this for a moment. Something flickered across her face.

“Sterling,” she began, preparing to reason with me.

“Go!” I shouted.

“Run!”

“We’re not leaving you, no way.”

“TRUE!”

“It’s going to be OK,” she said.

“No. No it’s not going to be OK. It hasn’t been OK for a long time and it’s all your fault and I can’t take it anymore. Don’t you get it? Look what you did to me! Look what happens when I follow you around! Now, please, get the fuck out of here!”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted saying them. I was the one to blame, not her. I was the one who knew better.



I called out to TRUE, by her real name, but she didn’t seem to hear. She backed away slowly, a stricken look on her face. Her eyes were fixed on a point off in the distance, something only she could see. It seemed that she was close to breaking down. I wanted to go to her—I wanted it more than anything in the world. I tried to pull myself up but my legs melted beneath me like cooked spaghetti.

Her feet crunched the broken glass as the sound of sirens filled the air. The sidewalk was suddenly filled with people whispering and pointing in that strange English way of theirs. Fitz leapt back in the driver’s seat, trying stupidly to start the engine.

“Never mind that!” TRUE called to him as she lit another cigarette.

“The only place we’re going is nowhere, fast,” she said. She calmly took a long drag and exhaled slowly. The sirens were like snakes, winding closer…she looked at me and winked before flicking away the cigarette and proceeding to jump up and down, waving her arms like a hysterical cheerleader.

Meanwhile, there was a bolt tightening throughout my body. Even my teeth hurt, deep down, where the roots met my jaw.

Something in me gave up when the cops came on the scene. I no longer cared what kind of trouble we were going to be in. I was just relieved that the responsibility was on someone else’s shoulders, and that nothing more was required of me. TRUE was in the street, covered with flashing red light. She gesticulated wildly, her features washed away as the lights grew stronger. I wondered if they would trigger in her a flashback. It wouldn’t be the first time flashing lights had that effect. But that wink…it seemed to me she was acting. I watched noncommittally as she stumbled over and puked violently into the gutter. This seemed to convince Fitz, who ran over and put his arms around her. He was still wearing her yellow windbreaker. TRUE grabbed his hand and wiped her mouth on the cuff and stared wide-eyed at the debris-covered street. She bolted free from Fitz’s embrace and threw herself at the officers as they sprang from the screaming cruiser.

“I puked glass!” she screamed, “Right there! All on the ground like New Years Xmas decorations, like fake ice on the family hearth. Fucking Boxing Day, mother fuckers. Fuck! You’ve got to help me! Don’t you understand, that came from INSIDE of me!”

She fell to her knees as an officer rushed to either side of her.

One had a brand new crew cut. I could see his shiny clean scalp as he bent down in front of her.

Their accents made them like little birds, chirping about insignificantly. All at once there seemed to be hundreds of them, spilling from their cars and running around with just the right mixture of excitement and fortitude. As I watched, one headed straight for me, a worried expression on his face.

"Hey! Motherfuckers! Why didn't you stop me?" I heard TRUE demand. "You guys had ways of knowing what was going to happen...all that m15 secret spy shit. Why didn't you put an end to it all? You’re supposed to be the good guys! Why didn’t you stop me!"

It was impossible to know what was real and what was a show. As the police scuffled with Fitz off to the side, she changed her act up and became hysterical, scooping at the ground and threatening to eat the very same glass she told them she’d puked up.

“I did it already—you see that, that came out of my fucking mouth. I’ve got rock diamonds in my stomach, crushing that shit up. I’m eating glass whole, and I’m puking it out in pieces…”

She staggered between the bright headlights like an exhausted dancer—but one whose exhaustion was still part of the act. I got the feeling that everything she did was written down somewhere.

“Look fellas! I’ve become completely transparent…can’t you see how I’m all cut up inside?”



Meanwhile, I was eased out of the car on a long, flat board. “Easy, easy,” the medics called to one another as they gently deposited me onto a waiting stretcher. They wheeled me forward a few inches, affording me a view of the Peugeot. The entire front seemed to be missing—it looked like a crushed beer can. The realization of how serious the accident filled me with a sickly, sleepy sensation. We could have died, I thought. I felt detached and matter of fact, as though this was all just a mildly disturbing show on late night television.

I could still hear TRUE’s voice, begging the cops to make a stop at the night shop for a tallboy.

“Just one last beer,” she begged, “Just one more for the road, one more before we get where we’re goin.”

“Is that gurl yer friend?” the ambulance worker asked me as she strapped me down. I glanced up and saw fresh, glistening curls…acne scars and laugh lines and what looked to me like a kind, forgiving expression…

“Yeah,” I said, and then my whole body lurched forward as they injected me in the thigh with something so hot I literally saw white.

“Sorta,” I told the woman when I could find my voice again. I had an urge for her to touch my head.

“Wha ya mean?” she asked, as she shined a red beam into my right eye, the one that still seemed to work. I noticed that her crisp white shirt had a lovely curved collar.

“I mean, in order to be friends with someone you have to know them, and you see, TRUE she lies all the time, and so I don’t know whether the person I know is the real her, or merely the set of symptoms and stories that I’ve analyzed as being her, which I’m only NOW starting to realize are wrong…all my presumptions and facts. All wrong. Wrong as rain.”

“It’s just like how it happens in books—at the part just before the end,” I concluded, as bright blue and yellow flowers bloomed in my brain and pushed all the thoughts away.

“That so?” the nice English woman asked me in her sing-song voice, smiling wide, too wide, I thought, perhaps because she knew I wouldn’t be able to answer. Then I was lifted into the ambulance where it was dark and there was someone else to look after me.



deepsouth



fuckthesouth



"falsegirl"

by TRUE



trueboy


i'll be yr mirror

i'll be yr plastic toy...



u be my blog.






tony pierce





by fitzcarraldo



I placed the credit card on the counter.

“Anything these ladies need, mmmmk?” I said, winking at the scrawny something-somethin with the baby doll eyes and asymmetrical haircut.

“Sure,” he squeaked, and looked down at my quadruple platinum as though he’d never seen one before.

TRUE and Sterling huddled on one chair in front of a design station. I went out for a smoke and stared at the silhouette of a water tower. Soon it would be night. Whatever was going to happen, it would have to happen soon.

When I came back in they were pulling poster-size prints from the oversized printer, giggling and slapping at each other’s hands.

The two of them were like commercials for life itself within the antiseptic corporate afterworld of Kinkos.

I made a square by forming an “L” shape with each hand and pretended it was a camera lens.



When they were done printing, we picked up some wheat paste and brushes from the hardware store and got to work.

They used an empty milk gallon to mix it with water in the back of the Caddy. Meanwhile I chainsmoked up front and played with the buttons on the dashboard and watched purple light flash across storefront windows as the sun set behind the buildings.

We slapped the boy’s picture up on the aluminum sided sides of houses, across industrial loft doorways, on dumpsters…the sides of garages. Anywhere we thought it would be seen and we could get away with it. On a dare by me, TRUE ran up and pasted one across the glass front of the new, Yuppie bakery. That one was actually up longer than the one on the side of the “hip”, “urban” clothing store that had commissioned graffiti artists to cover their exterior. Our poster was yanked down almost before we could cross the street.

“Yeah! So punk!” I shouted as I gave the bird to the greasy haired manager as he nervously wadded up the damp shreds of paper.

A guy carrying an antique boombox asked us if what we were doing was art.

TRUE stared at him with her eyes narrowed. She moved her toothpick from one corner of her mouth to the other.

“Nah,” she said. “This is a picture of the guy who grabbed my tits earlier today. I’m putting it up all over so I can find him so I can smash his head in.”

She unrolled a copy of the poster.

“Bitchin,” the guy murmured.

“Have you seen this guy anywhere?”

“No,” the guy said, staring at the blurry blow-up.

“What is that, a kid running?”

“Yeah—you can’t tell?”

“No…now I can.” He stood with his hands on his fashionably narrow hips, staring deep into the pixel aura.

“It would look great in my place…how much for two?”

We sold it to him for kicks. Then we went back to the copy shop, scaled down the picture, elongated it, and stuck it on lampposts, we pinned up multicolored 8 and a half by 11s across the community bulletin board on bedford…we made stickers and stuck them to the side of busses, on mailboxes and the swinging doors of bodegas…we handed out flyers from the window of the Escalade. Adults and kids came up eagerly, mistaking us for hip-hop promoters handing out free CDs.

Who is this, they asked…what does this mean?

When seen from up close, the larger posters disintegrated into abstract clusters of pixels. They reminded me of Serrat.

“You know, a copier was the first machine I really got to like,” TRUE told us. We were smoking another blunt—a thick one that I’d rolled for the occasion.

I’m very much about drugs as hor d’oeurves. You know, a means to an end. For instance, like loosening us up for the kill.

Even Sterling had a puff, which is a once a year kind of occurrence.

“Fuck this kid,” she said as she inhaled, before hacking up a lung.

I didn’t know how we were going to find him. I didn’t know if it was possible. Brooklyn is a big place. A kid in blue jeans is a kid in blue jeans is EVERY kid in blue jeans. A whiteboy like me. One of many.

As I drove, however, something came over me. A feeling—a force—I don’t know what it was. But all at once, as we raced through green light after green light with the rest of the traffic on McGuinness, I realized that I wasn’t the who was driving the Cadillac. My foot was on the pedal and my hands were on the wheel, but I wasn’t the one making the car go. I wasn’t the one making the moment happen—that power seemed to be emanating from someone else. I looked at TRUE sitting beside me. She sat with her knees on the dashboard. Her eyes were closed.

“Now, listen,” she said, flatly. “I’ll tell you which way to go and you follow.”

“Alright,” I said.

She pulled her black Armani skull cap over her eyes and leaned back. Her face was a cross between a Buddha and a round-faced Mafioso.

She put her black on black Yankees cap on top of the skullcap, gangsta style.

I drove as fast as I could, but I’m telling you, I wasn’t really driving. It was like a kiddie car, where things lit up and made sounds but none of the knobs were connected with anything, nothing worked. I became passive, regarding the situation in a manner of philosophical epoche. The road flashed past like a road on a movie screen.

Flickering…ominous…the double yellow line glowed like in Lost Highway…or the end of Terminator2, when Linda Hamilton drones on about the future that stretched out before us, dark and unknowable.

I stole a look in the mirror. Sterling was staring fixedly out the window. Her eyes had the high strung vibe of a championship athelete.

“Turn right,” TRUE said, “ok, now…make a left!”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Where the fuck do you think? We’re going to find him!” TRUE shouted. It seemed that all of her emotions were right there on the surface—she was angry, elated, sick and confident at the same time.

“How are you going to know it’s him with your eyes covered?” Sterling asked.

“Shhhh. I’ve got a psychic hold on him.”

“She’s got inner vision, like Stevie Wonder,” I said, laughing. No one else seemed to think it was funny.

We turned around and went the other way on McGuinness, eventually passing beneath the dark girders of the BQE, and on into the Graham Ave Sicilian neighborhood, so-called East Williamsburg, renamed and redefined by crafty real estate agents.

This was the latest chunk of old Brooklyn to be claimed by artist type hipsters and trust fund kids, who brought with them rock n’ roll and raised rents. There was a sleepy timelessness to it that perfectly suited the retro slacker stoner aesthetic of the PBR drinking new arrivals. It could have been anywhere—Ohio, Canada, Pennsylvania—a place so unhip that it was hip again, with its pink and green pastel aluminum sided buildings--not a single one over 4 stories tall-- it’s pork stores and marble headstone carver who slept in the backroom of his grave filled shop, the OTB, Café Capri and Phoebe’s, where the mullet-headed, heavy metal t-shirt wearing counter girl played Cheap Trick, Big Star and Nick Drake CDs all afternoon long.

The side streets were tree-lined and covered with potholes and thick slabs of uneven sidewalk. No matter what the season, there were always old, dead leaves in the gutter and a woman in an apron who was out there sweeping them up.

It was a street just like this that we took a left upon and sure enough, a crowd of kids gathered in front of a car at the end of it, a cloud of blue smoke hung over their heads.

“TRUE! TRUE!” I hissed, slowing down to a halt half behind a parked Explorer.

She pulled the skullcap from her eyes.

“Oh, shit,” she said. For a second her face was completely lit up, like a wide screen TV.

“Oh-wee,” she chirped, pulling the sock tightly around her wrist.

“Y’all still with me?” she said.

“You know it,” I said, my heart pounding in my ears.

“Let me do it,” Sterling said holding her hand out for the sock.

“No way,” TRUE replied, and laughed, bitterly—Ha! I half expected her to spit.

“Drive,” she commanded.



I started forward, inching around the Explorer. I tried to look casual. Luckily, the kids were on TRUE’s side. I mostly saw girls, their freshly tightened weaves glistening in the streetlight. But the boys were there too—hanging in between, low and slouched. It was a pleasantly mild evening. The afternoon’s rain had cleansed the air, enhancing it with a crispness you usually didn’t get in Brooklyn. It reminded me of Europe—of losing myself in tastes and sounds, the way I did when I was younger.

The kids felt us approach and stiffened slightly. An Escalade was a serious ride. Eyes flashed in our direction.

“Do you see him?” I asked, when we were directly beside them.

“No,” she said.

“But I will.” She put down the window and stuck her head outside.

“Yo,” she said. “Can I ask you something for a minute?”

A black kid came over. He was J-crewed out in a blue and red rugby shirt with a bright yellow collar. His eyes were red and watery.

“What’s up?” he asked

“Do you know this kid?” TRUE said, and gave him a wallet-sized glossy of her picture.

“This kid from the back here?” he asked.

“Yeah,” TRUE said, “Take a closer look.”

The kid squinted at the picture. Then he held it out in front of him.

“Nah, could be anyone,” he tried to giver her back the picture, but she wouldn’t take it.

“It could be anyone, but it is only one person.” She handed him a wad of glossies.

“Give these out to your friends,” she said.

“Uh, Ok,” the kid said, looking confused.

“Is there a number on them or something,” he asked, turning one of the cards over.

“Nope,” TRUE said. “I just need you guys to look at the picture...you know, really concentrate on it. There you go...that’s it. Werd.” She nodded, apparently satisfied, and then gave me a look like "let's go" and off we went, back into the night.

“Hmm. So what now?” Sterling asked.

“What do you mean?” TRUE said as she closed the window.

“I mean, what now?”

“We’re going to find this motherfucker, that’s what.”

“How, TRUE? Can you tell me that? How are we going to find him?”

“We’ve got his picture up all over town for everyone to see.”

“So?”

“So—it’s publicity, man! How many times do I have to explain this to you two? Jesus!”

“Maybe we should have put a phone number on the back of the glossies,” I offered.

“Give me a fucking break that’s not how it works!” TRUE screeched.

“Why don’t you let us in and tell us how it works,” Sterling said. She had taken her hat off—the yellow shock of her hair was between us on the front seat.

“Put your hat back on,” TRUE said.

“Tell me how it works.”

“Put your hat on—your hair is like a goddamn lightbulb!”

“Yes, Master!” Sterling shouted. “Heil!”

I looked over my shoulder as she slumped back in the seat. I turned my attention back to the road just in time to see someone racing in front of my headlights. I slammed the brakes but it was too late—we hit them head-on. They were thrown across the windshield. For a second all I could see was a pair of bright blue and white jeans.

“Holy Shit!” TRUE shouted.

The person bounced on the front hood and ended up shoulder rolling onto the pavement.

“Oh, my God,” I said, as I pulled the Caddy into park. There was a large, circular crack in the windshield. It looked like a spider web. I scanned the scene for blood but I didn’t see any.

“Are they OK?” Sterling said.

“Look!” TRUE shouted, as the person on the street stood up. It was a teenage boy—he couldn’t have been more than fifteen, with wavy brown hair and a stained white t-shirt.

TRUE pulled the window down and stuck her head out.

“Hey!” she shouted. The boy turned and looked back at us in horror.

I noticed he had a large black mole beneath his right eye.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he shouted, before he turned and broke into a sprint, disappearing between the streetlights, his brown hair fanning out around his head.

Just like in the picture.






no milk.







by TRUE




i think that if i ever get rich and famous i'll still do my own laundry.


for a while i dropped it off with this lady, then i had her coming over and cleaning up after me too.

talk about losing perspective...

she'd come over at 8AM to find me doing lines off the kitchen table, eating doritos and drinking heineken as i counted the money i'd made the night before.

i liked to take each bill and press all the creases out of it before placing it neatly on the appropriate pile.

the cleaning lady would stand in the middle of the room with her coat on and stare at me as i haphazardly and unsuccessfully tried to cover up what i was doing. she listened as i went on about how i was "extremely concerned" about the birdshit splattered across the bedroom windows. and the grout in between the bathroom tiles...what could be done to get that to be a perfect white--not an off-white or almost white, but a pearly, heaven-sent white? she nodded and looked down at the floor while i spoke. i really could care less about any of those things but i thought that by taking a tone i might seem like a together kinda gal and less like the fraudulent waster that i was.

when i was done talking she nodded her head and got straight to work. it turned out she could really care less too.

the one person she hated, though, was fitz. it started right away, the first time she saw him she made tisking sounds under her breath as he flamed-out about something. she made us coffee and practically shoved the cup at him.

"hello?" he called out, his voice syrupy-sweet.

"may i have cream instead of milk for my coffee? i believe there's some on the door of the fridge...could you bring it to me, por favor?"

"i am not spanish," the woman said, clearly offended.

"my language is arabic," she said, shaking with anger.

"oh yeah?" fitz said, narrowing his eyes.

"well you're in new york now, sweetheart. you'd better hurry up and learn spanish."





mcdonald's in canada.





by TRUE




My edges might be raw and bleeding but deep down in my tootsie roll center im rather old fashioned.

Sex means something to me. So does friendship.

My definition of sex is a shared activity between two or more people during which at least one of them cums.

(it's similar to my definition of soda which is something that fizzes when u shake it.)

My definition of friendship is when i decide for someone.

That means that no matter what i'll keep all their secrets and get their back in a fight, and i won't hate them if they get piss drunk and break into my apartment when im asleep and secretly take a piss in the bathroom sink.

it means i'll give them money for a ticket to seattle even though i think it's a bad idea.

it means that when the food comes i won't slap their hand away if they reach for something on my plate

"help yrself," i'll say to them.

(and cuz we're friends i won't even have to say it out LOUD)

it means i'll keep silent and won't ruin the ending for them...

it means that just one minute in their arms is enough


it means that no distance is too far.

i can walk down that road forever...















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