heya doods.

i wanna break it down for a second. ferreals, and when i say ferreals i mean ferreally reals cuz that last post was ficcione folks...that's FICTION fer all y'all gringos. phony baloney in a sea of smoked and honey-cured ham. yep.

if u read this site for a hot blog minute than you'll know i don't put much purchase on the so-called TRU_TH but after everything i've told u guys recently, the things about my past that i trusted u with and the person i've let u catch glimpses of...the lil mama behind the curtain with tears in her eyes...after all that and after the way yr always gettin my back, i couldn't let u think i beat some bitch with a sprinkler head.

or beat anyone with anything for that matter.

i'm sorry i lied to u.

my friend DID jump random girls after school and i was there sometimes...and like a shithead i'd let that shit unfold without me, unless the tables were turning on my homegirl, which they almost never did, thank god...and even then i was just tryin to break it up, not throw bows.

so why did i lie? why did i return to the realm of the fictional?

why? cuz it's safer there. i have control of that world...the TRUE who exists in it is a protagonist and in charge of her own destiny...

something i am struggling mightily to do.

im not TRUE.

...but im also not whoever i was before I started playing her part.

I'm the sun reflected off the corner of a building

I'm the bubbles in yr freshly poured coffee, as filmed from above

I'm the masks that i created in the disparate shapes of my desires

I'm the version of myself that is doing all the things im too scurred to do.

Like telling the truth.

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