a part of me feels like takin a sledgehammer to this place
i want to turn it into digital dust that i blow across the internet
yo ho ho
i am BRANDTRUEBOY
the judge and the jury
fists of fury
last night i got into a fight with these college assholes at a downtown bar. i should learn my lesson and avoid going out on saturday nights. i don't have anything to prove, like the rest of these wage slaves. everyday is like sunday, for me. fucking losers. and downtown is the worst. i had just met up with a business associate who lived in the neighborhood, so i decided to stop in at one of those bars that look like someone's basement for a pint. you know the scene--wall to wall carpeting, wood paneling, a dj wearing thick eye glasses and a turtleneck, blatant defiance of the smoking law... whatever. this nyu bitch with hip-hugging, dirty denim jeans and the atrocious chemically straightened hair started looking at me the wrong way so i put my hand in her face and asked her if she had a fucking problem. next thing you know, two muscle bound dudes with greasy spikes have me pinned to the wall. it was like being run over by a truck. whuh? whuh now? they grunted, as they pushed their fat chins (as well as other parts of their bodies) up against me.
i don't even think they were real bouncers and i told them as much as i called everyone in the place a cunt at the top of my lungs. people leered and made faces as the two neandrathals pulled me away. you'll pay for this, i'll have your asses kicked! i screamed. they laughed and winked at each other, like the closet queens that they were and joked good naturedly that if i didn't shut the hell up they were going to throw me through the plate glass front window.
what the fuck, what the fuck, just let me go, i'm leaving, fucking let me go...please...please...pretty please...i carried on a bit at the door until the girl act worked and they relented. as soon as they let go i leaned over and grabbed a can of PBR off some silly hipster's table and with my thumb over the spout I shook it virorously.
fuck you, motherfuckers! i screamed, and before the fake bouncers could grab me and push me out the door, i let go and sprayed a foamy white arc over as much of the room as i could, laughing hysterically. people shouted, the bouncers lunged, and i had just a second to toss the empty silver can at their faces, turn and run the hell out of there.
fuck saturday night.