Summer of the Red Pill

I'm from New York, but lately I've been living in a New Orleans of the mind. The world and my place in it got washed away, just like that city was washed away when the levees broke. By returning to the garbage, to lay claim to it and then to clean it aside and turn it into gold, isn't so much a rebuilding as it is a rebirthing--fitting as "NOLA Rising" is one of the slogans of this burgeoning renaissance. It seemed the perfect place to take this stripped down, NAKED walking talking BLOOMING version of my former self on the road, so that I could practice letting it out--thru my pen and my smile and my dancing feet in my high-tops.

NOLA is the kind of place where charm and the ability to HANGOUT DEEPLY will see u thru on a chilly spring eve even if u dont have any money in yr pockets: I walked the streets for hours past porches with music streaming out of living rooms and bars and living rooms that might also have been bars and people sitting on the street who called out Hello! and I smiled and spoke with them a little while, about this and that, music and life and travel, telling them about my city of plastic and concrete tiers lit-up by neon vines, a 24 hour city, an aching, battered and bruised place like this one

(except with more pretension and more money and all the stresses and strains that money brings along with it...)

Later on I was alone again, having shook free from a few drunken stragglers who wanted to know if a tough girl like me carried a can of mace (I told them I didnt need to). I pulled my hoodie tight against the cold night air and crossed train tracks that cut thru a small green field as brilliant, unfamiliar stars lit up the sky over the levees.

Who am i to tell it? No one, that's for sure. Im like the Jewish peeps in "The 10 Commandments" who followed Moses and kept doubting him and their survival, despite the miraculous works he showed them. His staff had turned into a snake--plagues and other disasters had struck the Egyptians, just as had predicted. But even after all of that, it's still human nature to develop doubt in the face of adversity. There's that tremendous scene when Moses and his people are run up to the shores of the raging Red Sea, with Pharaoh's army closing in behind them. Charlton Heston has a killer expression on his face when he turns from the sea to face their doubts. He half looks like he's going to laugh, because to him it's undeniable--time and time again, he tells them, you've seen the power of God, but still you don't believe!

It's shocking when I consider the sheer NUMBER of times over the past couple of years that I've had the audacity to push God away despite something completely godlike having happened. Even if something had warmed and strengthened my heart and helped me to wake up, I still resisted it CHANGING the way I lived my life.

In those times I'm like Neo when he first hears about the Matrix--he doesn't want it to be the case, despite all of the questions that its existence answers, he can barely handle the truth and wishes for it to go away.

The good news is that there is another part of Neo that only wants truth--not illusion. Part of what makes him The One is that he was not too emotionally invested in the superficial things of this world. He was already suspicious of people and systems and the government. He was hungry for the next level--yearning to wake up and be free.

This summer will see many Neos--from many places all around the world. Most of them will be young, but there is no age limit...

Everyone is invited to help turn the garbage into gold.


red-handed said...

This is one of the strangest, most charming things I've ever read.

TRUE said...

sweet comment! thx!

steven edward streight said...

God is nice. And very cool. My mind was totally destroyed by Big Pharma pills, and a botched epidural, when I broke my back the second time.

I turned to the faith of my teenage years when I was in Berkeley California. I asked Jesus to help me, to heal my mind and restore my life.

It worked. From a literal vegetable and panic attacked loser, to the infamous Vaspers the Grate.

That was in 1999.

I have all the proof I need that God is real and very kind. It has nothing to do with church, pastors, or organized religion. It is all based on a Lord who is loving, forgiving, and restoring.

God restored everything, and I do mean everything, including giving me a wife, car, beautiful house, peace, career, musical accomplishments, etc.

Faith is simply trusting and acting on that trust. Doubt is natural, but we must not remain in fear and unbelief. God can even take away our lack of faith.

Faith is a gift, not human effort.



TRUE said...


As you know I'm a big fan so I'm really psyched that you read and commented on BTB.

I was a born again back when I was 13-15 and then went in the other direction. Like you, i ran into some roadblocks, but realize now it was all a part of my journey. It was God who saved me from being killed by booze and got me off the sauce in 2001. A personal yet simultaneously unknowable and unnameable god--I can't explain it, but my life is different and better these days because I live in that knowledge, and, like you, I don't need to go to a church or temple to experience it.

Anyways, thx for sharing.

one love


steven edward streight said...

Permit me to continue this little mutual admiration festival, with this: you are an astonishing writer and poetic soul.

Your blog hit me in the face with its unique personality and ruminations on deep aspects of life.

I also got saved at 13, and went in many directions, some spiritual, some carnal. I have a profound respect for all religions, though I hate and work to destroy all institutions, hierarchy, and domination.

I especially like Buddhism and the Jain message of no harm to even invisible creatures in the air and water.

But there is one very real and powerful entity who is way beyond the beauty of Buddhism and the good teachings of philosphers. He is the one who found you and me, and brought us together as pals on Twitter.

There have been times when your tweets made my day, cheered me up, and kept me going.

TRUE said...

wow. thx for your kind words!

that's the effect your tweets often have upon me as well...I'm sure others out there would report the same.

qute said...

"i've flown from one side of the galaxy to the other and i've never seen proof of an all powerful ... "

oh wait .. that's han solo, not me.

anyway, im not sure about the existence of god. never had anything in my life (so extemely good or so extremely bad) to make me say, "wow, there has to be a god!" .. events all seemed reasonably explainable, grounded in my real life as i knew it and all seemed like things i could choose to deal with on my own (or not as the case might be).

i was never saved i guess. i was a raised a practicing catholic, all that practice and never got it right (drums & symbols please). but out of tradition as compared to any real faith i think.

at this point, organized religion has no place in my life, but i do envy people like you two, who feel things so strongly and can be sure.

sometimes i think i feel something like the presence of a god, usually due to being moved by music or seeing something in nature (certain amazing animals for instance) that touch me .. but still it is "something like a presence".

TRUE said...

i guess that I find a lot of miracles in everyday life. It's hard for me to think upon the extreme diversity of life on this planet and imagine that it just kind of happened.

Everytime i look at a zebra, for instance, I flip out and say a little prayer thanking god for being so punk rock!


Anonymous said...

and freakin' giraffes, wtf is up with them. awesome amazing!
--eve ala @goddessteam