I could've been lost forever, I could've been flung far and forgotten myself, having mistaken the feeling of not belonging to anyone or anything for the feeling of freedom.

Or I could've been digested and dissolved by my past, I could've given in to the fear and the sickness I felt towards everyone and everything

I could've not asked for help, I could've believed that nothingness was to be feared…especially the nothingness of death which is really not nothing at all, but merely the extinction of all ideas.

I could've allowed this fear of death to turn into a fear of life…a fear of recognizing signs and synchronicity leading to a path I wasn't strong enough to follow

I could've believed that by being a good person I'd be happy. Or that there was someone out there who would never let me down.

I could've believed that I had nothing to do with my family, with the Bavarian Illuminati, Nazi side as well as the serial killer, English rose side…

…or I could've believed that I was exactly like them

I could've done all of these things and cursed myself and the world and the notion of The One and the notion of The Many and the notion of Fate and Free Will and everything and nothing all at once, which is exactly what I did, for many years, until I finally opened the door and entered a dark cinema, upon which I saw my life being played on a tall silver screen for a pair of claws scuttling blindly across the floor.

No comments: