The Past Inside the Present

i've had 5 and a half years off the sauce, 4 years of blogging, 3 years of therapy, tons of tears, weeks of working out, innumerable dark days left bobbing in the wake...

but all it took was 2 minutes on the phone to find out that he prolly knows where i live to go all the way back in time...to England, to the dark, to my own private ground zero...

Fuck the past.




> I know yer scurred and shaky baby - but youll be
ok
> ..
> >
> > get home and turn on yer ipod and tv and laptop
and
> > hot air pop corn maker and whatev else u need :)
> >
> > Write me when yer home
> >
> > Xo

> heya,
>
> Im here. I was at starbucks zoning out until I said
> fuckit and charged over.
>
> o man I feel so strong and weak at the same time.
like
> lucy liu when she got scalped in the snow. ha.
>
> speaking of whiteness, in many religions white is a sign of evil--of
> absence...of the lack of the dark richness of
> vegetation and life...sometimes I think of him like
> that...then I stop myself cuz he is just a man...a
> poor blind fuckt up man...pathetic in a lot of ways,
> tho he hated peoples pity. he hated the looks he got
> as he read with his magnifying glass. and I guess
all
> that hate did a number on him...plus other
> things...like cocaine and booze...
>
> I wanted to save him...that was part of it. save his
> brain and his ideas from the dark side. I was more
> idealistic then. I dunno
>
> I am sitting in my chair being tuff
>
> xoxoxo