"danny carlyle"

(after vic chestnutt)

all I’ve ever wanted to do was play make believe.

a lot has changed since I was a little girl.

my curiosity was returned with violence. my trust was ambushed.

my innocence and my ideas were stolen by best friends and professors.

the potential I paraded around like a brand new backpack on the first day of school has turned into a sack filled with rocks, the kind a mute, symbolic character might carry in some asinine modernist play.

I’ve ruined the loves i gave myself over to, suffocating the beauty i found like a well-meaning retarded child cupping a firefly in his fat, murderous hands…

I’ve recreated myself. I’ve taken on the parts that others were too lazy to play…

I’ve been beat down, locked up and sold out.

but, after all this

still I’d rather dream, dream, dream than fuck.