it's funny how things happen, sometimes.
 
the first time i went to tony pierce's site, this was the pic he had posted.
 
it's of johnny knoxville, of jackass fame.
 
i didn't know that back then, however, as i had never seen the show.  i was living without television having accidentally tackled my cute blue toshiba late one night, killing it instantly.  the screen smashed into a zillion pieces all over the floor.  my big regret is that i didn't snap a pic of the carnage.  it twinkled like the milky way.  a year later i was still finding shiny bits in corners and under furniture.  anyway, i was all set to front with the warranty card when sterling convinced me it was fate, and that i shouldn't buy or procur a new set.  television brings you down, she told me.  she had been living without one ever since she got clean, as watching TV reminded her too much of how she used to spend her mornings getting drunk on heineken and riding the H train.  she gave a little speech about "what we can learn from the punk lifestyle" that was so convincing that i followed her advice and went without one, figuring that if there was something important to watch i could always go to a bar or scam on someone who i didn't owe money.
 
so i missed the whole jackass phenom...i was going to try and catch the movie version, but i never got around to it.  so when i saw the above pic i had no idea who it was and assumed it was this tony guy himself.  fabulous, i thought.  i loved the rough looking hands, the facial hair, and the flag in the background.  was he blowing us a wish?  i noticed the "nothing in here is true" and it intrigued me all the more, as i had just started BTB and was looking to enact a similar creed.  mine was a little more open ended though:  "Somewhere in space, this could all be happening right NOW".  it's a sample from a kool g. rap song, actually.  yep--like most of the best shit on this site, it was stolen.
 
anyway, the point of all of this is that two years later i finally saw an episode of jackass...on some fucked up satelite channel on sterling's big ass TV.  that's right, along the way on her journey to extreme yuppiedom, sterling rearranged the pillars of her punk ethos and somehow justified buying a home entertainment system.  shit is fat as hell, lemme tell you.  invisible speakers and a bassbox, a screen that's thinner than the august issue of vanity fair.  i've been over there babysitting her bewildered ass and catching up on all sorts of pop moments.  jackass has gotta be up there with the best.  how come none of you made me watch it before?  fucking hell.  it's like, exactly what i've been aspiring to with this blog.  crashing into shit and getting hurt on purpose and recording it for the masses.  the select masses that is--those who don't take life TOO seriously and appreciate a good old fashioned RUSH.  i loved the part where one of the dudes goes around town with a big ol dildo in his shorts, fronting like he has a raging boner while perusing a guitar shop and working out and getting fitted for a suit.  then there was the "blind" guy getting into a car and "running over" a bicyclist...the urban kayaking in public fountains...johnny knoxville's failed attempt at jumping the LA river on rollerskates.
 
it's perfect--failure is success--yr a champ if you get knocked out
 
pain is real, ego is not...
 
anyway

i had some kinda ephiphany last night, sitting there on the couch with my cigarettes while sterling slept in the other room.  it carried over to today.  i can't really put it into words yet.  it has something to do with feeling the fullness of time, like when you are way out in the ocean and a giant wave passes through you...the feeling of being alone, but not lonely...i don't know.  this morning i read an email from a friend whom i had a falling out with.  he wasn't asking to make-up, he just wanted to say he was sorry for having hurt me.  which he did, big time.  he also said he hoped that i could maybe do the same--you know, write someone i had had some beef with and tell them i was sorry, even if it wouldn't change things.
 
so OK.  there you go.  tony pierce, we were never super tight and you might be a right bastard and a wannabe pimp, but if it wasn't for you, i don't think i'd be as deep into this blog game as i am.  and for that i'm grateful.  and also for the kurdt posts from back in the day.  those were inspiring, man...
 
anyway, sorry if i ever hurt you.
 
that is all.
 
thank-u, drive-thru...