are you going to be able to give me over 125 quality digital cable channels for only $39.95 a month? are, you, going to be able to give me over 125 quality digital cable channels for only $39.95 a month? are you GOING to be ABLE to give me over 125 quality digital cable channels for only $39.95 a month? areyougoing to be able taiohraoerhae’oh amover adslfja;sdf5 channels for only $39.95 a month? are you goingadsjfa’sdfj ‘asdfja’sdfjdsa’f ija’sd fuiasdp to be able to give me over 125 ad;fha;sud hf;asodhfa;sdouhfaso; a monmth





ever since I read tyranny’s post about how he had a heart attack when he was 25 I keep thinking I’m about to have one. especially right after I smoke. I mean, I often get the body shakes and feel like that but now I doubly feel it. so thanks a lot, man. fucking hell. nice mask, btw.

but the fact that I’m not really having one goes to show that the most damage drugs does is to yr brain. well like, duh but I’m not talking about drain bamage. I’m talking about those one hit over the line slips from reality in which you become momentarily untethered from the voice in your head. and not in a poetical kinda way, more like being wrapped in bubble gum-thick layers of static obliterating all meaning, all trust… suddenly everything is everything and you can’t make sense of it and you can’t lean on anything or anyone and you can’t find yr way back. that voice getting chopped off is an act more violent than most physical world drug shit that goes down, although now that I think back I did watch a guy go into cardiac arrest once at my friend’s place on Bedford ave. he was sweating through her new couch lying on his back with his eyes real wide asking us to please change the music, please change the music even though nothing was on. he had just picked up our blow and didn’t want to tell us that he did a whole bag by himself in the back of the cab during the ride over. that clammy mother fucker. he thought he was such a playa because he landed a contract with sony to be the personal stylist/shopper for their top execs. which meant he cut their hair and told them what CDs to buy. of course the six figures were destined to go up his nose along with everything else that wasn’t nailed down. we were going to go out and leave him there but then someone said, he’s having trouble breathing so we called an ambulance and ran around like crazy hiding everything even though it didn’t matter because the ambulance never came and we ended up dragging him down the stairs and hailing a cab instead.

that was five years ago. I ran into him the other month having a smoke outside of stonewall. it was a hot five seconds before he asked if I was holding. whatever. just now it started pouring and I tried to pull down the storm window and it slipped and fell down like a mini guillotine almost slicing off my finger. sterling fassbinder eat yr heart out. oh, and that guy in iraq I almost forgot but he can’t eat anything anymore so I won’t say shit to him.