3.14.2005

Dr. Sterling drops knowledge

I’ve been thinking about poor girls and rich girls. The world would be a better place if more lovin was exchanged between the classes. Is there anything as delicious as a marathon make-out session with a girl who’s decidedly not of your “station”? Despite what you might have been told it’s not the big irreconcilable differences that prevent us from understanding each other. It’s not about the hedge fund her daddy runs for her and and it’s not about the heap of junk car you drive. It’s the little things that will throw you—cultural differences it helps to be aware of in advance. For example, rich girls have kitchens and bathrooms that are clean but never spotless. This is a result of always having servants when they grew up. The poor girl shouldn’t take it personally that there’s scum around the drain and a pubic hair beneath the soap dish in the shower. Instead she should tell herself, “This rich bitch never learned how to get down on her knees. That’s what I’m here for.”


Poor girls fuck up by thinking they have to blow an entire paycheck on a single gift for their rich girl. You can’t give a girl who was born into money expensive gifts and expect to impress her. If she’s truly rich, she’ll only be happy with trifles. Something Italian but everyday and in a set of two, like plain white coffee cups on plain white saucers or thin-ass martini glasses. She’ll pull away the tissue paper and exclaim in the most heartbreaking way about how she really needs this. What happens next depends upon whether she is a rich American girl or a rich European girl--the European girl will immediately place the gift on its proper shelf while the American girl will wash it thoroughly first with soap and warm water.

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